Let Go

Somebody recently told me that she likes my self-confidence.   As much as I appreciate the compliment but I really don’t know how to respond to that. I probably end up left an awkward smile on my face. 

I am not sure how confident I am actually. I definitely had quite a few unpleasant and hurtful moments in my life, which made me feel down or embarrassed about myself. However, luckily I am not deeply injured by these experiences.  

As I have gotten older, I came to the realization that there is no way life can be always happy and smooth without any pain.  We cannot be that greedy to always get what we want. Simply put, pain and hurt are inevitable in life.  We don’t have to draw the equal sign between pain/hurt and failure. Ending a relationship can be painful but it is not necessary a failure. Don’t you think?!

If you ask me, I probably feel most confident when I am solely alone.  I am not afraid to be alone. I sometime seek for solitary. Not that I would like to brag about it. It is just my personality. I feel I can be most honest about myself when I am alone. By myself I don’t have to deal with others’ expectation. I have to say it is very important for me to feel I am me and no one else. Perhaps appearing to be confident is actually sort of being self-center.  Do we all live up to people’s expectation too much so we lose some of our self-confidence? 

I am still not sure how much self-confidence I have, however, I am willing to let go. To let go the thing I want but I could not have and to let go many others’ expectation.  If it is painful then so be it. Next time when I feel hurt I will try to dust off and stand up again.